Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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