This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
