I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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