i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
