i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Randomize
