You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
