god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
