Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
