Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Someone stole a lamp last night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
