pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
