i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
