My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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