weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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