Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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