she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
