does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
