I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
