I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
