Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My ATM looks so different sober.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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