Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
