Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
