I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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