I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
