We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
