My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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