sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
