you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i will never coherently bang her
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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