I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
