Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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