im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
