yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
