What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize