1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
