I wish they made helmets for livers.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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