i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Randomize
