never play flip cup with pint glasses
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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