The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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