I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
