i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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