I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
