she looked like the before picture.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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