you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize