Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
