She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
