And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
