coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
