yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
