I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
