If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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