If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
