I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just want nice things and good sex
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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