she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
