You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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