Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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