Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
