yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
