whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
