just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
