I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
