my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
