I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize