after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
