Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
