Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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