a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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