okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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