So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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