watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize