$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
