I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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