thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
