All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
