bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
