Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
