i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
