I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
