Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
