You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
