I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
