I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
