he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
