No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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