i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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