I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
