I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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