did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
