life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize