i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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