Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
