and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
