remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
