I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
