did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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