quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
