Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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