She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
