Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
so much tequila, so little girl.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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