I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize