I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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