I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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