remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
