He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
