Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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