***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
