What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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