Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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