You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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