My room smells like vodka and shame
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
