I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
