Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
