He is an equal opportunity slut.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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