This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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