im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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