Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
