K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
