apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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