drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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