Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
